Meditation Humorist Pillows

"Psst! I got mantras. You need a mantra? Mantras right here..."

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

Guided Intimidation

'It's the darnedest thing -- last night I dreamed I was eating shredded wheat.'

'Have you emptied your mind completely, my son?', 'Does thinking about Paris Hilton count?'

'Nobody's looking -- how about a third-eye opener?'

'It sounds like somebody just attained enlightenment.'

"Maybe I'll get cable"

'Can I use your mantra today? - I forgot mine.'

'I'm trying to become enlightened, but my stomach keeps growling and interrupting me!'

"All right, guys - Meditate till you feel the burn!"

"Ideal - mine's completely empty."

Man tries to build a traditional Indian Guru bed using flatpack furniture.

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

Zenboni

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

Foot Massage

"I pick up most of my wisdom from celebrity interviews.'

'Oh, Freud is too darn hard to read -- I switched to Dr. Phil years ago.'

I could only get a settlement of £50,000 and you get some of it.

"My master has built himself a "Zen Garden"! Now, I'm the one who's stressed as I'm not allowed in the garden anymore..."

'It might be all right for some but I'll not have anyone tinkering with my subconscious. Anyway, supposing they found I hadn't got one!'

Yogi Comedy: A yogi comedian tells a yoga joke. '...is this thing aum?'

Recycle your problems. Many of our neuroses, hang-ups and character defects can be re-used by others.

'Contemplate this summons.'

'Most of my relevant experience was gained in my past life, so I'm a bit rusty.'

'Oh yeah! First to reach enlightenment... Right here! Eat my dust, bitches!'

'I get better results with a live elephant and an invisible fence.'

As they gathered for the three hour meditation it was clear that some students were less prepared than others...

'How will they know how enlightened you are, if you don't advertise?'

'... Yes, most people are surprised when I show them the real meaning of life.'