Satirical Masterminds Pillows

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

Illogic Tree

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

Prisoner still life painting.

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

"The museum of modern art on fire... an installation."

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

Donald Glover

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

Astronomers studying the 26 moons of Uranus...

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

'Don't ask how much your hospital bill is because we have no way of knowing.'

Eager to pull a prank on his chiropractor, Dennis taped a bag of potato chips to the small of his back.

Mismanagement Consultant.

'Then someone hit on the idea of selling our torture devices to fitness centers.'

'Dear editor, today I saw the first cuckold of spring...' (Divorce Lawyer).

"You are now over planet earth please empty toilet, now"

'...Pack your bags. When we get indside, we're moving to the cat.'

"Stan, this looks like a breakthrough!"

"I want you to leave here today with a message of joy!..."

"I'm going to use Aversion Therapy. Get better or pay me $300 an hour."

"With this system nobody ever needs a holiday. A doctor occasionally, but not a holiday."

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

"The sky isn't really falling -- I'm just trying to make a living."

"We shall now commence throwing money at the problem."

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Humans are really worried about us leaving. They're offering us tax incentives to stay.'