Satirical Mastermind Pillows

"There's good news and bad news. The good news is, I've made a generous contribution to your leaving present."

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

Prisoner still life painting.

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

"The museum of modern art on fire... an installation."

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

"He just sits there, trying to think of the tweet to end all tweets."

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

'Don't ask how much your hospital bill is because we have no way of knowing.'

Mismanagement Consultant.

"You are now over planet earth please empty toilet, now"

'Dear editor, today I saw the first cuckold of spring...' (Divorce Lawyer).

'...Pack your bags. When we get indside, we're moving to the cat.'

The puppet master

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

"Stan, this looks like a breakthrough!"

"The sky isn't really falling -- I'm just trying to make a living."

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

"We shall now commence throwing money at the problem."

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Humans are really worried about us leaving. They're offering us tax incentives to stay.'

Well, no wonder the natives are restless. They're worshipping an espresso machine!

'The curious incident of the dig in the night-gown.'

Dollar: Warning - May cause excessive greed, loss of human empathy and disregard for vital environmental systems.

'Are you gonna answer that?'