Satirical Food Enthusiast T-Shirts

"The jelly required a soupçon more texture on the custard was on the wrong side of sweet."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Lockdown casserole

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

Cooking with Pierre

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

Murderous Chef

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

'Trust me, Madam, that fish is fresh!'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

'People soup again?'

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'