Food Satire Enthusiast T-Shirts

'It's all contaminated with horse meat. Remove them from sale and send them to the glue factory.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Lockdown casserole

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Beef Stew.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Murderous Chef

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'People soup again?'

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'

'They're not hot - my mom said they were 'chilly peppers'?'

"May your year be pear-fect."