Satirical Dining Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Sorry, sir, but none of our food is very good. It's the chef's way of punishing the rich."

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

Lunch Broker

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

'Upsize your children' - 20 to 25 % of children are obese.

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

"And what are the two wonderful gourmet delights you're serving up today...my good man?"

"The jelly required a soupçon more texture on the custard was on the wrong side of sweet."

Fish & chips in newspaper of the year.

'How about a drink?' 'You've got gravy.'

'There'll be a short delay, sir -- your businessman's lunch is under investigation.'

'Could you be a little more specific than angel food?'

'No, the fish isn't battered - the cook just roughs it up a bit!'

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"

Extreme health food restaurants: "Just check off what you want and we'll bring your tray around."

A waiter says:'You guys know you're supposed to text me when you're ready right?' the patrons are dead . . .

"Hello, my name is Roberto, and I will be your enabler this evening."

"I ate some yogurt once. It was very good."

'I never eat anything I can't spell.'

'It's so hard getting seated here... would you care to join me and my friends?'

In case of emergency break bread.

'Hello dear, have I kept you waiting long?'

"When I said I wanted a bottle of the house red, I meant ketchup."