Fine Dining Satirist T-Shirts

'I never eat anything I can't spell.'

'Let me order. I know quite a bit about wine. '

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

"A Mister 'Ty Gurr' wants to reserve a table next to our fattest customer."

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"

"Soup of the day? Mumbo Jumbo Gumbo."

'Just bring us your best beers-all of 'em.'

'Yes, I'd like something to wash this wine down with!'

'It's called Les Restes. It's French for leftovers.'

'Is everything O.K.?'

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'

'There'll be a short delay, sir -- your businessman's lunch is under investigation.'