Dining Satirists T-Shirts

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

Beef Stew.

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'People soup again?'

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Intolerant Chef

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'