Dining Enthusiast With A Love For Satire T-Shirts

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

Shrimp cook

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

Lunch Broker

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

"Every night it's Roll Play with you."

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

'Why do they let us see things like that?'

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

'Upsize your children' - 20 to 25 % of children are obese.

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

Scientific research (whaling).

'I know I'm getting lots of complements, but the damn waiters are conspiring to not tell me!'

"My scientific opinion? That is one big ass bacon."

"The jelly required a soupçon more texture on the custard was on the wrong side of sweet."

'How about a drink?' 'You've got gravy.'

Fish & chips in newspaper of the year.

'What's the soup of the day?' 'Heinz.'

'Could you be a little more specific than angel food?'

'No, the fish isn't battered - the cook just roughs it up a bit!'

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"

A waiter says:'You guys know you're supposed to text me when you're ready right?' the patrons are dead . . .

Even though he knew he would get nightmares, Jacques couldn't stop reading horror stories in bed.

Waiter, who are those protesters outside? They're from "PETFS": People for the Ethical Treatment of Flies in Soup.

"Sorry, sir, but none of our food is very good. It's the chef's way of punishing the rich."

Granny Wilson's Home Baked Cakes.

"I ate some yogurt once. It was very good."