Satire In The Workplace Gifts

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Employee won't think about work outside of box

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

In and Out Tray

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

Meet Grant, he came up through the ranks.

'Remember, Jenkins, I want those briefs on my desk by morning.'

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'