Satanic Themes Appreciator Pillows

'I try to do more harm than good.'

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

"OMG, LOL!"

"Steamed vegetables."

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

'Oh Hi!'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Russia Money Laundering

The Greek Trampoline

"Amateurs."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"I've considered portraiture, but everyone is so ugly."

Got stuck in Iraqi oil, Unca Sam?

Historic Bank Jobs.

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."