Sassy Observer Pillows

"How's that for a pour over, coffee boy..."

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

Scientist seen on loch.

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

A child and a babysitter gazing out of a window

"De plane! De plane! De bird! De bird!...."

"No, no, your job's not going out of the country to some foreign bastard. We're just firing you."

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

"We understand each other and respect each other's privacy." "That cat hates me."

'Sometimes I think you're on a different planet.'

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

"The Mashed Potato Casserole with Creamed Spinach, Baked Egg and Garlic is half price tonight, sir. It's horrible."

A well-dressed panhandler holds a sign that reads "Will argue for food".

"Miss Winthrop, tell my callers that I'm busy with the World Bank."

TV and man

"Die alone"

"Some other news, China declares war on Peru, ISIS blows up the pyramids and the pope resigns. Now back to more comments from David Bowie fans."

"I'm going to use my tax cut to trickle down on you all."

Last night I was in a seafood restaurant and I noticed that all of the sliced lemons were wering shower caps. That's so that when you squeeze the lemon, it doesn't spray your dinner companion. So I was told. My point is that as long as there ar people putting shower caps on lemons, I'm not as crazy as I thought I was.

"Does the phone in my back pocket make my butt look too big?"

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Joy Behar?'

Pyramid Garden

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'

"Excuse me, have you seen a large gent with a red coat and face to match."

Planning Office - Acquired by Tesco

"You know you have a weak heart, mom. Sit down on your favorite rocking chair and just it easy."

Road signs point to various things to buy including "women's wear", "office supplies" and "household appliances".

Next on Fox! Clowns Without Makeup.