Sassy Senior Pillows

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

"You know you have a weak heart, mom. Sit down on your favorite rocking chair and just it easy."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"On your mark, get set, go!"

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

Whatever!

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

"I've had many men in this town darling, but many men have not had me."

Furniture from hell.

"Does the phone in my back pocket make my butt look too big?"

'She taught me that copping an attitude will get you everything.'

"In other words homogenius."

"Miss. Did you ever actually meet Julius Caesar?"

'Perfect birthday party dear, but so it should be after the practice you've had over so many years.'

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'I'm not eating that - it hasn't been advertised on the telly...'

"Sweetie, words have the power to hurt. I'll teach you some of the most effective ones."

"He's perfectly nice, but sort of boring, like good cholesterol or something."

"The name's Grambo. Get of my petunias!"

"...and make sure you get food with plenty of preservatives in it"

ACME COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'She should be attractive, intelligenty, charming, and funny, or best offer.

'Sorry, I can't hear you because this jerk in front of me has a really crinkly wrapper.'

"Can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis."

"Have your people get in touch with my people."

The quest for spinsterhood.

"I'm liver spot spice."

Nice try, but you can't blame your empty highball on global warming.

A Fact.

Can you believe we're old enough to have kids taking sex-ed? No! Thank heavens they have a curriculum with all the choices. Although

"'Lone Wolf"? No babe, you've misread it: my online profile reads 'Love Wolf'!"

"Copywriting is too 'writing.'"

'The computer's running on at the mouth again.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, Most people mellow with age. So what's your problem? -Baldwood. *(Actual reader letter) Ask Sadie at rudy@rudypark.com. I'll handle this one. She has mellowed. You