Sarcastic Swimmer Gifts

'Thank you for coming in at such short notice.'

"I'm beached body ready."

'How's the water, dear?'

The waterslides are fun, but the water seesaw, not so much.

'I was hoping traffic would ease up after the polar ice cap melted.'

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

'He did it for us.'

I don't care if you hate that word – I'm hangry.

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

"I can't figure out why the 'dog paddle' isn't working for you."

'You have no new messages in your mailbox.'

"I rub my body with animal fat and swim around Manhattan."

'I'm not allowed in the water until I can swim.'

'Republican Valentines' They really love the word 'NO!'

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water.

"Everyone has to start somewhere."

"Where do you see yourself in five years and what are you doing now to avoid it?"

Thank you for not drowning.

'Not that sort of pool party.'

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'

Oh Bugger !

Never swim on a full stomach...

'The Rockettes...of yoga'

NO skinny dipping

Diet Foods: Bread and Water

If you're going to scream every time a kid yells cannonball, you're not coming with me anymore.

The Joe Whiskers' Workout

'Your Bill is crooked.'

'All I really wanted was a swim!'

'The only exercise I get with this is dusting it once a week.'

"...they give you marshmallows but no stick."