Sarcastic Sports Enthusiasts Pillows

'I used to be bipolar till I started supporting England.'

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

Golfer Shouts at Ball to Go Into Hole.

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

World Cup Fever

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

"We've got the same ringtone!" (Two guys opening ring pull drinks cans).

"In two weeks' time, Andy Murray will either have achieved a great British win or an awful Scottish defeat."

The conversion.

"I'm watching the hockey game. The score is 4 nothing for the Zamboni driver."

"He just married me on the rebound."

As senior assistant groundskeeper, Louie was responsible for dragging the infielders before every game.

Bored with retirement, the Great One tries crime.

'This is Role Model Man. He is our new assistant coach in charge of projecting a positive image to impressionable young minds.'

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

'This is really going to tarnish his legacy, Al.'

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

"You're in the cartoon league now. You just have to pretend those little circles in the stands are actual people."

"This should be good! I switched his discus with a frisbee!"

"I admit saying England had no hope of winning the World Cup, me Lord, but it isn't treason."

"Yeah, it's sports-related, Doc...I was watching the ball game on TV, reached for my beer and 'wham'!"

'And remember, Timmy: Along with the status of being a star athlete comes a responsibility to act as if the law doesn't apply to you.'

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

'Oh great, now I broke a nail.'

'You see, I would make a great goalkeeper...'

A man shoots his head at a basketball hoop.

Roger Clemens: Innocent until proven guilty.

'No way, man! Murphy isn't worth anywhere near the 3.5 million they're paying him!'

"There's the handoff, and it looks like Dad is going to go with an option route, avoiding the rush from the dishwasher, sweeping left, evading the teenager blitz and heading directly to the liquor store!"

'Team spirit, my ass.'

Money and Football

'Dad was fibbing, Mum... the new TV DOES show stuff beside sport!'

"London prepares for the arrival of Philly sports fans."

Third base coaches during a brawl.