Cynical Sports Enthusiast Pillows

'Team spirit, my ass.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

The Uncle Vinnie Insomnia Open

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

"Please stand and join us in half-assing your way through our national anthem."

'Go deep my son.' 'What's it all about?'

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"You can't put a price on all those years of marriage." "Au contraire!"

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."

'Help me, Helen! I'm feeling a momentary lapse of cynicism!'

'Remind me, what should I be thanking my lucky stars for?'

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?" "I met a lady a while back." "We're both stuck in marriages we don't want to be in. We'd rather be together but we don't have the courage to end things." "What do you mean 'courage?' Ending things isn't 'courageous,' it's cowardly." "Courage means not running from misery, but embracing it, becoming its master, and delivering it upon all those around you with a vengeance."

'Oh, I hate sport too, but I just love reading the statistics...'

'On Tuesdays, I bowl.'

"No comment for now, but there'll be a press leak at five."

'Look here Frobisher, you've adhered to the rules. You haven't cheated, self-aggrandised or whined about money. That's rather unsportsmanlike of you.'

Love of the Game