Sarcastic Spectator Gifts

Nice bit of parking! If you don't mind not getting out of the car!

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

Bad business inc.

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"Oh, please, do tell me what Warren Buffett has to say about adding bleach to delicates."

"Med school was a blast."

"Be careful what you say, Senator. Putting your foot in your mouth greatly increases the risk of athlete's gum."

Big Brother.

"Boss, if you could be any superhero, which one would it be?" "Insurance-Adjuster-Man." "In a world where superheroes were real, there'd be an awful lot of collateral damage to buildings and infrastructure." "Insurance-Adjuster-Man would probably clear six figures by breakfast." "'Heroes' aren't in it for the money." "Of course they are. Take Lex Luthor, for instance..."

"Hillary Clinton feels that sinners stigmatises people, so from now on, we're to call you service users."

'Like it'll do any good.'

'Ooh look, you've got a free lucky horseshoe with your giant meatballs.'

"You didn't tip the paper boy."

"My boss combines the impulsive joie de vivre of Ebenezer Scrooge with the empathy and comradeship of a tarantula. Less hair, though."

"You are polling very well with the highly motivated 18 to 26 year olds who never vote."

"I know, same here. Angsting about the Zeitgeist like there is no tomorrow."

"You know, anyone who wishes he had a remote control for his exercise equipment is missing the idea of exercise equipment."

'Taxes? They're a penalty for doing well.'

"The suggestions are supposed to go in the box."