Sarcastic Scene Maker Pillows

"So, do you come nowhere often?"

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

Redhead

'Caesar salad?'

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'He lost his whistle,'

Thomas Carlyle

The canteen food's pretty awful...

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

'Nice decorating. I like the clothes and toys everywhere...and the half eaten sandwich really ties it all together!'

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

'Police! Snow White we have complaints about your relationship with 'Grumpy', and one 'Dopey' some ten years ago.'

Less than Ultimate Fighting.

"One of his employees won the lottery!"

"I admit - as papercuts go it's quite a serious one."

A man in hospital is exposed to Covid-19

'I needed a little guidance on bulk pricing strategies... are you LISTENING?'