Sarcastic Scene Maker Pillows

"So, do you come nowhere often?"

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Exciting potato bugs.

'Caesar salad?'

Redhead

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'He lost his whistle,'

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

Thomas Carlyle

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

The canteen food's pretty awful...

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"

Toy skier jumps from snow globe to miniature winter scene.

'Nice decorating. I like the clothes and toys everywhere...and the half eaten sandwich really ties it all together!'

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

"I admit - as papercuts go it's quite a serious one."

A man in hospital is exposed to Covid-19

Robot Bombs: A One Time Thing, Right?

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."

'I needed a little guidance on bulk pricing strategies... are you LISTENING?'