Sarcastic Joke Collector Gifts

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Suffering from Cooties?

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Useless add-ons.

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

Exciting potato bugs.

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

My daddy ate my homework

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Redhead

Shark infested custard!

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Cheating Death.

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Psychiatrist - "Doctor, I keep imagining I'm being followed by an impersonator."

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

"Turn your head and cough."