Sarcastic Driver Gifts

Control Freaks, Clueless Numbskulls, Passive-Aggressives

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

Tolls: Must have exact change and tails up.

"Clean your wallet, sir?"

"I decided to ticket you 'cause I'm bored again."

Do it yourself books.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"Well, here he is. He just grew on me until I couldn't stand it anymore."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"Hell: The Airport"

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"Take one three times a day and come back in 43 years."

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

Home Sweet Mortgage (worth more than the house).

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

'This is the worst wine I've ever tasted--I'll take 20 cases.'

You know, I'll always think of the song that's on the Juke box right now as

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

"I think I'd be better at leading if I could yell louder."

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'

"I thought you said his name was Mr Know-it-all?"

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

'Dang, I told him to take a shower before we sacrificed him to the volcano god!'

"Why didn't you bring a cardigan or lightweight jacket?"

'I'd fire you, but anticipating your next blunder really keeps the company jazzed.'

'Aww, how cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'

"So is this the fun part, or will there be even bigger bugs sticking to my face soon?"

'That mink-lined surprise he promise me - it was an apron.'

'You're a decent chap, Holdsworth.'

Airline luggage return: 'Next time, send my luggage to Paris, Texas, and me, to Paris France'

"Do you sell backup cameras?"