Sarcastic Driver Gifts

Control Freaks, Clueless Numbskulls, Passive-Aggressives

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

Tolls: Must have exact change and tails up.

"Clean your wallet, sir?"

"I decided to ticket you 'cause I'm bored again."

Do it yourself books.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"Well, here he is. He just grew on me until I couldn't stand it anymore."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"Hell: The Airport"

"Take one three times a day and come back in 43 years."

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

Home Sweet Mortgage (worth more than the house).

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

'This is the worst wine I've ever tasted--I'll take 20 cases.'

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"I think I'd be better at leading if I could yell louder."

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

"I thought you said his name was Mr Know-it-all?"

'Dang, I told him to take a shower before we sacrificed him to the volcano god!'

"Why didn't you bring a cardigan or lightweight jacket?"

'I'd fire you, but anticipating your next blunder really keeps the company jazzed.'

"Do you sell backup cameras?"

Airline luggage return: 'Next time, send my luggage to Paris, Texas, and me, to Paris France'

'That mink-lined surprise he promise me - it was an apron.'

'You're a decent chap, Holdsworth.'

"So is this the fun part, or will there be even bigger bugs sticking to my face soon?"

'Aww, how cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'

Speed laws enforced by gawkers at accidents.

"This must be 'over the hill to the poorhouse'!'