Sarcastic Roadster Gifts

Speed laws enforced by gawkers at accidents.

"This must be 'over the hill to the poorhouse'!'

Tolls: Must have exact change and tails up.

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

Give way - 'Oh, alright then...'

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

"Information highway patrol sir. Can I see your computer driving licence?"

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."

"Where the hell were you fourteen years ago?"

Love by bike

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

'You have no new messages in your mailbox.'

"Howard may have a few miles on him, but I'm not ready for a trade-in just yet."

"OK, now here comes the lava."

"I think I'd be better at leading if I could yell louder."

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

A learner driver in a heart-shaped car

"How's your exercise class going?"

"Clean your wallet, sir?"

"Will you stop doing that please? Isn't it obvious to you that I just don't fancy him?!"

Trike lowrider

Signs you're becoming annoying on a really, really long road trip.

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'

'A f-funny thing happened on the way past a classic car dealer...'

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

"Why didn't you bring a cardigan or lightweight jacket?"

Control Freaks, Clueless Numbskulls, Passive-Aggressives

'I'd fire you, but anticipating your next blunder really keeps the company jazzed.'

'Although he can't come to the phone right now, he wouldn't like you to know that your call is of no interest to him.'

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

Airline luggage return: 'Next time, send my luggage to Paris, Texas, and me, to Paris France'

'You're a decent chap, Holdsworth.'

"I see that failure isn't an option for you, is it? More of an imperative."

"A fortnight's holiday in Spain, and you bring a gift of a measly pebble? Well, I suppose it's a change from a flippin' mug!"

How to be more passive-aggressive, if that's what you really want.