Sarcastic Celebrations Pillows

Congratulations

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Redhead

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

'great win, kids! Let's celebrate... My treat!!'

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

'He lost his whistle,'

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'

They stole your identity, but after seeing your credit score, they gave it back.

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.

The canteen food's pretty awful...

'Tap water?! As if.'

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

'You have no new messages in your mailbox.'

A man in hospital is exposed to Covid-19

'I needed a little guidance on bulk pricing strategies... are you LISTENING?'

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

Men Not Working.

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

Less than Ultimate Fighting.

"One of his employees won the lottery!"

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."