Sarcastic Celebrations Gifts

Congratulations

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Exciting potato bugs.

Redhead

'great win, kids! Let's celebrate... My treat!!'

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'He lost his whistle,'

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

They stole your identity, but after seeing your credit score, they gave it back.

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.

The canteen food's pretty awful...

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'

'Tap water?! As if.'

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

Men Not Working.

Less than Ultimate Fighting.

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

Robot Bombs: A One Time Thing, Right?

"One of his employees won the lottery!"

"I admit - as papercuts go it's quite a serious one."

'Police! Snow White we have complaints about your relationship with 'Grumpy', and one 'Dopey' some ten years ago.'

A man in hospital is exposed to Covid-19

'You have no new messages in your mailbox.'