Sarcasm Supporters Pillows

'Where was I on the night of the 7th of August? I was home washing my hair.'

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"Let's consider an early dive."

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Czarcasm

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

The Snarky District

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

'Someday TVs will be in big boxes on the floor.'