Santa's List Debater Gifts

'But I'm nice until proven naughty in a court of law, right?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"I think you refuse to admit your god condones slavery, because doing so would be an admission you are more moral than he is. And that conflicts with your Borg programming."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

All I want for Christmas is a modest recovery in the GDP, along with expectations that the year-over-year growth rate will significantly improve in 2014.'

Verbal Orders

"This'll show the Theology Department."

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'Ok Preacher, here's the deal. You back off I back off, and everyone is happy...'

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

"Not that it's any of your business, but no, I wasn't kicked out! We had creative differences, that's all!"

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

Equal Time for All Christians

I will not chew gum in class, even sugarless....

"And lo, we made God in our own image.."

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

Actual Results May Vary

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

Blasphemer! Ignoramus. HOJ. Your anti-religious rants will lead to the breakdown of morality. The divine is our source of civilization and humanity. It's what separates us from lowly animals. That and our ability to turn worthless jungle into condos. You're playing dirty now, hairless one.

Mud Slinging

Political correctness - the early years

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

Liberals Ignore Science Too

Basic Theology

A headmaster in the stocks covered in rotten eggs.

"Let's face it - if your god existed, I'd been struck dead long ago for mocking her."

"You did have the last word, but this is a new argument!"

'And now he's a reactionary, and conformist.'

'No Billy! I am not ready to see you yet!'

'If kids have to be raised properly, does that hurt?'