Santa Aficionado Gifts

Santa Claus walks dogs

'...and this is Mort, my attorney, who will help us to accurately define 'naughty'.'

"Well, if you want Santa to visit, you'll have to widen the chomney by 12.4 centimetres, install non-slip roof tiles, build a landing platform and provide organic food and toilet facilities for his reindeer..."

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

'You would think that he would have come up with a wireless solution for Rudolph's nose by now!'

We've Placed These Cookies Here To Learn More About You.

Santa has a giant tube of chimney lube in his sleigh.

'No, I don't want to see your personal interpretation of the role. Just stand there and say, ho, ho, ho!'

Nice/Naughty/Morally Complex

'Sorry kids...no ponies or guns this year. My liability insurance doesn't cover me in delivering that stuff!'

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

Santa with a support for his sack.

'Elton, I'm in a bind. The dry cleaners lost my clothes. Do you have a red velvet suit I could borrow?'

"Good mercy, can we have some sort of Santa Helper standards around here please?"

Global warming will set up new economic trends.

"I think a potty would be more dignified"

Alcoholics Anon "It all started with a few million small sherries and mince pies..."

If This Vehicle Is Being Operated In A Dangerous Or Reckless Manner Please Call.....

"Sorry mate, you're not on the list."

'We don't make toys any more. I send the elves to buy them in China.'

Me!? I had you pegged as the designated driver!"

"According to scripture, Jesus can see you sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you're bad or good. So be... Oops... Never mind... I was thinking of a different deity."

"I know when they are sleeping, I know when they're awake..."

'Letter to my young self: what the hell were you thinking?"

The Navigator on Christmas Eve

'OK fatboy, my turn to drive - your turn to pull'

Santa Paws checking over his naughty & nice list. . .

'According to the tests, you're allergic to reindeer.'

Santa's in/out boxes read: Ho and Ho Ho respectively.

"This speedy little compact model is going to help me finish early."

'Yes, I was nice. I got an early release from reform school for good behavior!'

"I'm afraid this year due to the threat of terrorist attacks...customs controls...parking restrictions...I have decided to outsource the Christmas operation to Ebay and Amazon."

"Santa's elves have to eat, you know."

"This Christmas Santa is using a driverless sleigh."