Funny Santa Aficionado Gifts

Santa sits in the waiting room of a Weight Loss Clinic with other large people.

Santa Claus's Mail

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

High security Santa's grotto

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"Just because I can deliver toys around the world in one night, doesn't mean I understand the tax code."

That one has all the batteries!

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

"I admire your enthusiasm, but you’re not really flying."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

'This year I'm deliverying everything FedEx!'

Santa CGI Effect

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

"Pepperoni pizza is my favorite! Ah, Billy, you little suck up!"

"That's ridiculous. A red nose wouldn't work as a GPS system."

"I noticed a few browns."

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

'How do you think he stays so merry through the holidays?!'

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

"I want a pony!"

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

'There really IS a Santa!' Santa busts pets eating his milk and cookies

'Well, I'll try, but cheese seems to be the 'must have gift' this year.'

'And that,and that,and that...'

"For the last time… do not feed bubble gum to the reindeer!"

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.