Santa Aficionado Pillows

Santa Claus walks dogs

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

"Well, if you want Santa to visit, you'll have to widen the chomney by 12.4 centimetres, install non-slip roof tiles, build a landing platform and provide organic food and toilet facilities for his reindeer..."

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

'No, I don't want to see your personal interpretation of the role. Just stand there and say, ho, ho, ho!'

Santa has a giant tube of chimney lube in his sleigh.

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'You would think that he would have come up with a wireless solution for Rudolph's nose by now!'

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

'Sorry kids...no ponies or guns this year. My liability insurance doesn't cover me in delivering that stuff!'

Nice/Naughty/Morally Complex

Santa with a support for his sack.

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"I think a potty would be more dignified"

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Alcoholics Anon "It all started with a few million small sherries and mince pies..."

'Elton, I'm in a bind. The dry cleaners lost my clothes. Do you have a red velvet suit I could borrow?'

"Good mercy, can we have some sort of Santa Helper standards around here please?"

"Sorry mate, you're not on the list."

"This Christmas Santa is using a driverless sleigh."

'We don't make toys any more. I send the elves to buy them in China.'

The Navigator on Christmas Eve

'OK fatboy, my turn to drive - your turn to pull'

'According to the tests, you're allergic to reindeer.'

Santa's in/out boxes read: Ho and Ho Ho respectively.

"This speedy little compact model is going to help me finish early."

'Yes, I was nice. I got an early release from reform school for good behavior!'

"Santa's elves have to eat, you know."

Nice Santa vs. Naughty Santa.

Christmas PJs

The Many Happy Returns Department

"Hope you have got a good retirement plan, old man?"

Santa, at home.

"Well, Santa, from where did you think that we were getting all those gifts that you delivered all these years?"

"That's for the kids that've been naughty."