Salary Slayer Gifts

'I was wondering, Mr. Hartwelder, if I could be paid in money rather than stock options?'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

Giant slug attacks a city

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

'It's only a slug Norman.'

Rudy, please help me distract level 2 of my video game. Distract? I have no problem with level 1. But as soon as I get past it. I face this super-powerful monster. I can't defeat it. It's so mean, and ... oh no, here it comes! Where? No more playing or talking about video games. Go outside and do something real! I'll never make it to level 3. You'll never make it to your teens.

Unsubscribe-A-Mole

Performance anxiety lessons, the more you practice something.

"I'm looking for something with low clearance. Something monsters won't be able to get under."

'Oh, sure, I should wake him up...but I asked him to kill that thing a week ago!'

'Oh for crying out loud, so there's a spider in the bathtub!!'

How to Get Rid of All the Snow

"Goliath? We want you to defeat a tech giant."

"Your sermon had everyone at rapt attention. Good move cutting the church WiFi."

'no, I'm sorry to say, giving up your bonus has not increased my respect for you.'

'What exactly is it you dislike about slugs, Mister Crabtree?'

David and Goliath

'I think I can...'

'Watch out!'

'This will kill the spores.'

'Your presentation left them open-mouthed. Every one of them was yawning!'

'Faster Grace, it's gaining on you!'

'Look - the giant is dead! You got your cow back! Stop worrying about the loss of the bean crop!'

Budget Cuts

'Hank, if I find one more of these things in the lawn, I'm going to throw away that damn crossbow.'

'Where're you going?' - 'Off to have your sausages carbon dated.'

'Don't worry Hal, I think if you pour salt on them, they completely shrivel up.'

"The witness may continue. I was just killing a spider."

Let me handle him okay?

"I'm not trying to sell you anything, sir. I'm doing market research, and all I ask is two or three hours of your time to answer a few thousand questions."

"On price, we always beat the competition. That's where you come in."

"Of course I don't love you just because you can open jars. You can also kill spiders."

'Gah! Spider!' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Oh, hello insomnia.'

How's your home organizing going? Great