Survey Slayer Gifts

"I'm not trying to sell you anything, sir. I'm doing market research, and all I ask is two or three hours of your time to answer a few thousand questions."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

Tension filled the tent.

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

'I was wondering, Mr. Hartwelder, if I could be paid in money rather than stock options?'

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

"This internet survey is asking me to take another survey rating the survey I'm taking."

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

Unsubscribe-A-Mole

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"After a long day at school, it's nice just to come home, kick back and outrun a horde of bloodthirsty zombies."

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

"Anything but a head shot only angers an attorney."

"I've torn up the questionnaire but am using the lovely pen you sent me"

Suggestions Box

Unfortunately of the 78% of people who completed more than 56% of the survey 98% thought it was a complete waste of time

'The streets of Dodge City fell eerily quiet as the market researchers strode into town.'

"Do you have a moment to be late for something you just made up?"

"Just how fed up with customer services feedback are you: (a) very (b) extremely (c) incandescent with rage (d) don't ask if you value your life?"

"I was hoping to retire at 60 - but I have to wait until 65 if I want to finish this latest survey."

Census Interrogation

'Have you a moment sir?...A: Yes; B: No; or C: Naff off?'

Are you a Questionnaire Addict?

'We're wavering between 'undecided' and 'no opinion.'

Survey results: 9 out of 10 angels feel that dancing on the head of a pin is demeaning and potentially quite hazardous.

"No opinion, eh? Well, I'll put you down as 'lair.'"

"....And do you tell people who ask nosy, impertinent questions to "P*** off" (A) Frequently (B) Very Frequently or (C) Always?"

"I had a two-part dream last night."