Survey Sailor Gifts

If you would be willing to take a short survey at the end of this call, press "1". If you would like to risk being punished for not taking the survey by being kept on hold for an extra 10 minutes, press "2."

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

Sailing enthusiast brings his hobby to his office.

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

Surveys and economic interests

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

"Shall I put that down as a 'Don't Know' then?"

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"Excuse me, sir - I'm conducting a survey about stress in the workplace."

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

Surveying.

'Of course I know how to read the water, but I my glasses fell overboard.'

"You didn't fill out our customer survey."

"Good evening. Can I start you off with a customer satisfaction survey?"

"I've torn up the questionnaire but am using the lovely pen you sent me"

'...and how satisfied are you with the food? (1) very satisfied,(2) satisfied,(3) needs improvements.'

Suggestions Box

Focus Group: "Better or worse? How about now? Better or worse?"

"McNab here is with our consensus engineering department."

Gate has 'beware of the dog' sign. Dog has a clipboard questionnaire and asks: 'Excuse me, could I have five minutes of your time?'

'Government performance targets reach unprecedented levels.'

Mori, Ipsos, Gallup, just nosey

Unfortunately of the 78% of people who completed more than 56% of the survey 98% thought it was a complete waste of time