Saintly Smiles Gifts

"You have a mask?"

Tiny Visions

"It's true: no more burpees."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

'I'm good. How are you?'

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"Hmmm...says here that you were in charge of your church's Puppet Ministry."

Virgin Mary: World's Best Mom.

"The lost password department's that way."

"Believe me, no one will notice your new braces."

"He's very proud of his stomach's 'good bacteria'."

'Ferguson always was an overachiever.'

Saint Gustaf, patron of pranksters and practical jokers. Martyred by angry mob in 725.

'I'm real sorry. It was all the 'blonde' jokes you told.'

'Ferguson always was an overachiever.'

'That's St Joseph. He's the patron saint of baby aspirin.'

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

Holy monk.

"I'm afraid we don't accept bribes here, sir."

"You'll soon get used to it, being deceased is fun."

That's okay --- Nobody would get in if we included cheating on diets.

Proposed solution to repugnant and obsolete St. Patrick's Day parade: add more saints.

Latte Day Saints

Happy Spring!

Monk

Police lineup with smileys.

"When I found out I couldn't take it with me, I left it all to charity."

"I remember behavior like that being followed by fire and brimstone."

We don't have a 'reasonable doubt' rule up here!

'I'd buy her a drink, but I don't think I can do that up here.'

"Open your mouth so I can take a DNA sample."

"You're just in time. We're having vegetarian chili tonight."