Saintly Sender Gifts

'This is an authentic Valentine -- I got it from Saint Valentine!'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

Halo Frisbee.

"That's the preacher's dog."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

Child writes letter to Santa reading 'Sorry Santa, I DO want to go to school'.

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

Gracie sees a plane on Christmas Eve and tells her dad Santa is flying it.

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"I didn't get anything I asked for last year so I want your acceptance of this year's list to be notarized."

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

'Santa, don't believe him. He's the one who ate the cookies and milk last year.'

Next World Tours

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

"Psychiatric emergency service? Please come fast, I have one here who believes in me!"

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

'Be good! Santa's watching!'

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"I'm a little angel when I'm asleep. Does that count?"

"Why the hell aren't you writing all this down?"

I heard a rumor that he's going to deliver presents using drones this year! I hope not! Drone technology is far less reliable than Rudolph and the other reindeer! And besides, Christmas eve won't be the same if the sound of sleigh bells is replaced by the buzzing of a drone! My big brother said if I don't make his bed for him every day, he'll hack into Santa's database and put me on the "naughty" list. I've never trusted his computer system. And e-mail. I ask for presents with a hard-copy

'Het Dad, I don't need a bike from Santa anymore. I just found one behind your wardrobe!'

"If you're not a good boy, Santa will bring you only educational toys."

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

'Just tell him you've been good. Don't overdo it.'

"Hmmm...says here that you were in charge of your church's Puppet Ministry."

"Another one asking me to fix the climate crisis."

"The lost password department's that way."

"If you don't bring me what I want, next year I'll go straight to the manufacturer in China!"

'You know, it's not good for kids' self-esteem to keep harping on about this 'naughty or nice' stuff.'

"Do you have all those things in stock?"

'If you're a good boy, Santa will bring you tires next year.'