Saintly Humorist Gifts

'I'd buy her a drink, but I don't think I can do that up here.'

'No kidding? Are you really the patron saint of tax loopholes?'

How To Saint . . .

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

At the 2021 Religious Games

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Guru.

St. Elmo's fired.

Drive-thru Church

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'Meaning of life? You bet! Here, pull my finger.'

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

Praying Mantis.

Regifts of the Magi

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

OM, SWEET OM

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

Moses' TV guide.

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

God's Phone

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

'And the Angel of the Lord said unto them, 'Go fill all thy shops with overpriced tat, stuff thyselves sill for four months and see if thou canst get away with calling it Christmas.'

"It says God created heaven and earth, then there was light. Why didn't He do it the other way round, when He could see what He was doing?"

TV and man