Saint Seeker Gifts

St. Edward the Confessor

"Who broke my St. Pius figurine?"

Saint George's Day: 'You can understand why they made him England's Patron Saint.'

"So what's his story?"

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

Night-time halo

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

"I sympathize with how important it is to you, John... but I simply can't bless your lure!"

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

The idea of a wo-man cave was looking better and better.

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

"And God called the light day."

'We've discovered a massive dust and gas cloud which is either the beginning of a new star or just a hell of a lot of dust and gas.'

Avoiding eternal damnation since 1982

Retrospection.

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

'I'm not going to bore you with a long sermon to-day - here's one I recorded earlier...'

"I stopped believing in free will when I had my lawyer write mine."

Priest And Aliens

Church sign.

"It's not that we consider ourselves holier than others just because we choose to sit in the front row."

"I don't know how he does it. He preaches entire sermons without using the words like, cool or awesome."

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

'More options!'

Doug Coe

'Those are just phrases your going through.'