Sacred Seeker Gifts

It was clear that, once again, Lyle was not being nominated for sainthood.

"Good game."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

Turn, turn and turn.

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

Night-time halo

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

Unguided imagery

"All we have left is standing room only."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"Needs to get a life"

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

Zenemies.

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.