Salvation Seeker Gifts

Forget it. It's too late!

Retrospection.

Avoiding eternal damnation since 1982

"It's my life line in case the rapture happens, so I'm not left behind."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

Night-time halo

Fishing with God

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

"I sympathize with how important it is to you, John... but I simply can't bless your lure!"

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'You'll be spending a little time in pilates purgatory but don't worry, those guys work miracles.'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

Join the protest march, I'm lonely.

'Being granted immunity doesn't include not having to pay my bill.'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

'Well I think it's worth a try!'

"And God called the light day."

"You didn't post anything on social media today. So, the church sent someone over to witness miracle."

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

'I'm not going to bore you with a long sermon to-day - here's one I recorded earlier...'

"I stopped believing in free will when I had my lawyer write mine."

Church sign.

Advertisements for 'Brother Marsh- faith healer and Deacon 'Speed' Alton- emergency room'.

'But who comforts the comfort food? I'll tell you who: NOBODY.'

'More options!'