Salvation Seeker Pillows

Forget it. It's too late!

Retrospection.

Avoiding eternal damnation since 1982

"It's my life line in case the rapture happens, so I'm not left behind."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

Night-time halo

Fishing with God

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"I sympathize with how important it is to you, John... but I simply can't bless your lure!"

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

'You'll be spending a little time in pilates purgatory but don't worry, those guys work miracles.'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

Join the protest march, I'm lonely.

'Well I think it's worth a try!'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

'Being granted immunity doesn't include not having to pay my bill.'

"You didn't post anything on social media today. So, the church sent someone over to witness miracle."

Jesus makes water cooler water into wine.

"And God called the light day."

Hot flashes

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

'I'm not going to bore you with a long sermon to-day - here's one I recorded earlier...'

"I stopped believing in free will when I had my lawyer write mine."

"It's not that we consider ourselves holier than others just because we choose to sit in the front row."

Doug Coe