Sinner Seekers Pillows

"How about us teaching you a couple of deadly sins you don't even know about?"

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

'I'm just going to say my prayers. Any requests?'

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

'Get an afterlife!'

"I sympathize with how important it is to you, John... but I simply can't bless your lure!"

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

"Just what we've been looking for...a happy medium."

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

Big Medium

"And God called the light day."

'Uh, is there a TEACHER'S edition?'

Retrospection.

'I've got the inside track ... But the Devil uses the big freeway.'

'Is it ethical to pray for an amicable divorce?'

Avoiding eternal damnation since 1982

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

"So, when will you start telling us about good vs bad cholesterol?"

"I stopped believing in free will when I had my lawyer write mine."

'I'm not going to bore you with a long sermon to-day - here's one I recorded earlier...'

"I don't know how he does it. He preaches entire sermons without using the words like, cool or awesome."

'More options!'

Doug Coe