Safety Snicker Pillows

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Safety Barriers

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

Fire door.

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

'The most important safety rule to follow when doing anything dangerous is to first find out who can sue you when you get hurt.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Health & Safety Official Tester.

Jet Turbine Testing Area

'Apparently, he leaned over to read a 'safety notice' and fell out of the window.'

Mash-test Dummies.

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

"What makes you think we have to contact OSHA?"

Security at the Smaller Airports

'I'm bored, what can I do?' 'Go and play with your Junior Bomb Disposal kit.'

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

Living life dangerously 2010.

'I baked it especially for you.'

Health and safety nightmare.

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!

Department of Health and Safety: Knock (but not too loudly or you may suffer knuckle bruising) And Enter (Beware of tripping over the fireproof carpet).

'They say these vans are unsafe when fully loaded, so we're only going to allow 50 of you in at a time.'

Job Safety - Lunch.

Caution Falling Rocks

STRIP *Community Care * Imaginative use of equipment

Acme Candles - In case of fire, break glass.

'H&S say that turkey skins can be a 'coking risk'...but it's a lot more risky to leave it on the turkey!'