Safety Net Seeker Gifts

College of Arts and Sciences (and a few things to fall back on).

'Well, you have an excellent life policy -- now, would you be interested in some lifestyle insurance?'

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

'Halloween is just around the corner, kids. Have you decided what are you going to wear?'

'You don't think you're just a tad overprotective?'

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Not enough money is being spent on safety, so be careful."

"Are there any extra crew on board? He still looks hungry."

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

'Do you ever get this weird, primitive yearning to sit behind a large block of wood?'

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

"And, of course, if I were to get the job and start feeling comfortable here I'd no longer need the security blanket."

The Great Maldini and his Venomous Snakes

"Safe FDIC insured, guaranteed 2.65% APY...check out our new Emotional Support CDs."

Human Flesh Eaters: A Romance Comedy.

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

'Just putt the dang ball, already!'

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

Social security.

"Ideally we're keen to go somewhere that they're not trying to kill us."

Trick or treat surprise.

Turtle crashes, deploys airbag.

Big bumpers.

'Next time you lose the school's keys, please call a locksmith instead of using a blow torch on the door.'

Laboratory- risk assessor

"I remodelled, but I left it so that when danger threatens I can still take refuge in the redoubt."

"I'll have a gluten-free, hypoallergenic vegan cookie with whipped hand-sanitizer topping."

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

Knife-thrower.