Safety Buffs Pillows

'Starting tomorrow, out new Health and Safety policy dictates that we must provide individually sealed brandy rations...'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

Noah's life jacket demonstration

"We'll get there when we get there!"

"Remember, when you back up, make that 'beep beep' sound."

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"I've seen this before. Keep his head inside the car when the vehicle is in motion."

'Wow. The anti-smoking movement really has been successful.'

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

Mash-Test Dummies.

"Warning! Not to be used as a life saving device."

Halloween health & safety.

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

'I say we forget about these particular chickens...'

"It's the worst case of Sick Building Syndrome I've ever seen!"

"You're not a bad dog for driving. You're a bad dog for not wearing a seat belt."

"I childproofed all the cabinets for you."

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

'Wow, that's the worst case of tennis elbow I've seen this year!'

'Do not be alarmed... this is only a drill!'

The best safety device is a rearview mirror with a cop car in it.

Crash Test Dummy Denied Insurance.

"Duck? No I ordered the beef."

Acme Candles - In case of fire, break glass.

'Wow, thanks for finding my skateboard, daddy!'

'Cover me whilst I cross the road...'

"What do I do when I get to the top?"

Piano Airbag