Safe-driving Skeptic Pillows

No child onboard. Don't drive carefully.

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

"Why is it every time I need to go somewhere, the driverless car is taking itself for a spin?"

Safety Barriers

Safe driver.

'My parents only said 'don't accept rides from strangers,' but I'm the one asking to go with YOU.'

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

"Tarzan hate frivolous lawsuits."

"I've only had eighteen pints and can drive perfectly well osifer...why don't you go and arrest some real criminals?!"

Don't you think you've had too many drinks?

'Don't let any SUV's pass us.'

Warning: this is a safe area.

Rules and procedure

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

"Never mind honey, I found the garage door opener."

'Would it matter if I was on the phone reminding my daughter not to drive while talking on the phone?'

If the N.R.A. ran the D.O.T.

"I coulda been killed had this not deployed. Thank god for my passenger's side handbag!

Seat belts - The giving of life.

"Our safety manual is nothing but a big joke."

"Any drugs or alcohol?"

'It scored first in everything except the rollover tests...'

'Oh it's quite a D.U.S.I.'

"I don't care about the test. Put the bloody breaks on!"

"Admit it ... you were hexting while driving again."

Geezer crossing.

Acme Discount Life Vests

'When do you guys plan to invent a crash test dummy?'

'I pulled you over because you were driving suspiciously.'

'It's completely gutless. With all the money you save on speeding tickets it'll practically pay for itself.'

"Of course it's not safe. That's why I'm here."

"I don't think we've time for a risk-reward analysis."

'Oh, come on, they wouldn't sell it if it wasn't safe.'

'I think you're losing me.'