Ironically Safe Driver Pillows

"I was reading the anti-texting billboard."

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Say speed

Kick-line Deer Crossing. A kick-line of deer cross the road Radio City Rockettes style.

Ducks crossing.

Person who refuses to admit age on board. Feel free to drive with wild and reckless abandon.

Driving home for Christmas.

"How about a self-inflating-a-flat-tire car?"

'We can exchange information, or, if you prefer, I can punch you in the face and forget the whole thing ever happened.'

Height barrier accident.

'We'd like a GPS device that would direct us to affordable gas.'

No child onboard. Don't drive carefully.

'Okay. Where's the fire?'

"Oh, that's Mr Norris. He's our risk analyst."

"I coulda been killed had this not deployed. Thank god for my passenger's side handbag!

Hell's first aid box...

I brake for elves.

'I pulled you over because you were driving suspiciously.'

Drink Driving

'Better slow it down a bit.'

'I don't care what you say lad.....I say he was speeding!'

'And don't do that, or that, or that, or that, or that, or that...'

"There are no targets, dear. You've been dying too many drones today."

Right lane ends 500 feet. . .Cheer up - it begins again 3 miles.

Man driving in tree to wife: 'I think we're lost.'

"Do you sell backup cameras?"

"By the way...what is the minimum stoppping distance at 60 MPH?"

Billy strip: driving slowly.

Radial Reflex: When your steel belted tires hit a speed bump.

GM recall

"You're going pretty fast, Grandpa."

"Got any I.D.?"

"Oh, year...ice!"