Ironically Safe Driver Gifts

"I was reading the anti-texting billboard."

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Say speed

Kick-line Deer Crossing. A kick-line of deer cross the road Radio City Rockettes style.

Ducks crossing.

Person who refuses to admit age on board. Feel free to drive with wild and reckless abandon.

Installing one of the new 'Buck Bridges' reduced Bob's auto insurance by 21%.

Driving home for Christmas.

"How about a self-inflating-a-flat-tire car?"

'We can exchange information, or, if you prefer, I can punch you in the face and forget the whole thing ever happened.'

Height barrier accident.

No child onboard. Don't drive carefully.

'We'd like a GPS device that would direct us to affordable gas.'

"I coulda been killed had this not deployed. Thank god for my passenger's side handbag!

I brake for elves.

"Oh, that's Mr Norris. He's our risk analyst."

'Okay. Where's the fire?'

Hell's first aid box...

'I pulled you over because you were driving suspiciously.'

Drink Driving

'Better slow it down a bit.'

If you don't stop texting and driving, I'm pulling myself over and shutting myself off. Autocorrect.

'I don't care what you say lad.....I say he was speeding!'

'And don't do that, or that, or that, or that, or that, or that...'

"There are no targets, dear. You've been dying too many drones today."

Right lane ends 500 feet. . .Cheer up - it begins again 3 miles.

"Do you sell backup cameras?"

Man driving in tree to wife: 'I think we're lost.'

Warning signs - for deer and cars.

"By the way...what is the minimum stoppping distance at 60 MPH?"

Billy strip: driving slowly.

Radial Reflex: When your steel belted tires hit a speed bump.

GM recall

"You're going pretty fast, Grandpa."

"Got any I.D.?"