Safety Skeptics Pillows

'Don't tell me how to work safely! I've been at this job for over five years!'

'When do you guys plan to invent a crash test dummy?'

'How come childproof caps only manage to keep adults out?'

"I thought you measured the distance to the ground. I hope Bob's okay."

"Dear Mrs. Gravitch: Your fears are groundless. With the proper precautions, nuclear energy is clean and safe..."

'Oh it's quite a D.U.S.I.'

'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

Safety Barriers

Skip the TSA scans by wearing a Burka

"You know you have to wait an hour after eating before getting out of the water, young man!"

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

'Hey Dad, can I borrow the car?'

307 days without an accident.

'My parents only said 'don't accept rides from strangers,' but I'm the one asking to go with YOU.'

'Just say no to ch-e-e-s-ee!'

Airplane Seatbelts

"Tarzan hate frivolous lawsuits."

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

"I remodelled, but I left it so that when danger threatens I can still take refuge in the redoubt."

"I want the hatchlings to grow up in a nurturing comet free environment."

"This one contains our tailgating deterrent feature."

'This is the last time I bid on a job for the Seven Dwarfs.'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

'Really, a foreign wine? What will the NSA think?'

Safe harbour

So, you'd like a battery of unnecessary tests that aren't covered by insurance .. Are you sure about this? Doctor-Assisted Financial Suicide.

Well...That's what happens when you text and graze!

Crash Testing Clown Car.

Warning: this is a safe area.

Rules and procedure

Juliet should have asked where for art Romeo the old fashioned way, calling from a balcony, not by texting him while he was driving.

'Of course, you're welcome to a second opinion from our HMO's insurance executive.'

"So that's unanimous Gentlemen. Seatbelts fitted on all our trains"

Coronavirus

The Death of Your Privacy.