Health And Safety Skeptic Pillows

"Tarzan hate frivolous lawsuits."

Safety Barriers

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Executive ignores wet floor warning and slides down hall

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'This is your lucky day!'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"Hey, Zorro! You forgot your mask."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"...And now step 2 disconnect power before plugging in..."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

Toilet roll beauty tips.

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

Safety last.

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'