Safaris Gifts

"I give up. What's black and white and red all over?"

'Hop in - I think we're going to get a push.'

"Looks to be some kind of menu."

'It says, 'Get back on the tour bus'.'

"Keep your guard up. We're entering big-cat country."

'You looking for me?'

"I have such bad luck. What could be worse than being born without a trunk?"

Exotic Petting Zoo and A Dog.

'Dysentery or non-dysentery section?'

'Keep driving - we can't open the doors anyway!'

'Best retriever I've ever had!'

"I think you've taken the garden rewilding a bit too far."

'All I can tell you is they're not the cute little birds who usually ride around on us.'

Two taxidermists are confronted with a dead elephant - 'We're going to need some overtime for this one...'

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

Bird watchers.

'This is the last time I sign up for your economy elephant hunt!'

'Good news dear. . . mothers making you a lovely top for the lion safari!'

"They'll return to their spreadsheets when they feel safe."

Giraffe Umbrella...

Only a few experts know that antelopes can be very chauvinistic.

"Sorry folks, no reservation, no buffet."

'If I may, sir, the ecotourist is superb.'

Hunter Preserve

"By hunting a species to the edge of extinction it becomes more valuable, and we make more money by hunting it."

Lend me a fiver - "Careful Dempster, this swamp is crawling with leeches."

'I know it's politically incorrect, but God, I hated that rhino!'

"He had his binoculars back to front!"

'You only want to do it when people are watching.'

'At least, Men point cameras at you these days: In my day, they pointed guns!'

"Expedition log #57: Like the rest of the week, I expect today will be another uneventful day."

The Call of the Wild Centre.

'Ambushing them is a great idea: I usually tend to charge blindly...'

"Yes, 'the lion sleeps tonight', I know the tune, but it means it's had a good feed during the day, which is not really a good thing..."

'At least he won't eat us.'