Safari Humorist Gifts

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

The perils of texting while stampeding.

'Dude, see that sign over there? I think I just figured out what it means.'

"Now remember, act normal!"

"No gnus is bad news."

"I can still see the sun, shorty!"

City Zoo: Day Care

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Hats and Food

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"Too much concealer?"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Yes, one is a dog."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Scuba cow"

'Jurassic Pork.'

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"