Safari Humorist T-Shirts

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

The perils of texting while stampeding.

'Dude, see that sign over there? I think I just figured out what it means.'

"Now remember, act normal!"

"No gnus is bad news."

"I can still see the sun, shorty!"

City Zoo: Day Care

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Gee, thanks pal."

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"Scuba cow"

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Too much concealer?"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

Hats and Food

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"